Hope is a wonderful thing. I hope that come the evening I will have had a productive day and fall asleep with the knowledge that I have added something new to the world. I hope that my choice to wear a thin shirt at the tail end of November isn’t going to result in an endless cold. I hope that my shoes, riven with holes as they are, last just that little bit longer till my birthday so I can get a new pair. Hope and expectation are what drive us. Everything I have ever done is in the hope of a specific set of outcomes. Hope is a wonderful thing. But hope is merely a target with which we hurl the arrows of our actions. Sometimes they hit but it’s not the end of the world should they miss. I started The Appraisal with the hope that it would get me writing again and provide an outlet for my musical opinions. Indirectly it gave me a place to enjoy writing again so that I felt finally able to apply for that PhD I’d been hoping to complete. I have truly loved writing it, but now I have to acknowledge that I cannot sustain it in it’s current form.
The situation with which I have tackled the past few Appraisals is far different from that with which I began. Without getting too mawkish, there used to be a deep insecurity in my choices. For a long time I had that sucking anxiety you experience at a major crossroads; do I go all in musically or just, not. I had moved from London to Sweden for love and had no clue what to do next; do I get a regular job or attempt something related to my training? While I tried to work out a path I began the Appraisal just as something to do while I dragged my feet in making a decision. Lucky for me, the decision was made for me through a combination of the impenetrability of Sweden’s music scene, a surfeit of time with which to occupy myself and a sudden explosion of success with some of my songs. The signs were clear, music became all or nothing. Alongside the Appraisal I started a bespoke composition service with my sister (MusicForMy if you’re interested in a little unique wedding music), expanded the scope of rryrry and reinvigorated a ‘classical’ side that had long been dormant. This is the kicker with which all my current decisions hang; ‘classical’ (a loathsome term) meant starting an orchestra, orchestrating arrangements and studying in depth the philosophy about why we compose. I even got a place doing that PhD! This side to me had been kept under wraps for various MMus related reasons, but now that it is out, and combined with rryrry, it is all consuming. Quite simply, I don’t have the time to post regular Appraisals at the mo.
The Appraisal is on pause.
This doesn’t mean that it’s over, far from it. I’ll likely post the occasional essay here and there if I’ve a mind to it, it’s just that I can’t make it a priority. Apologies for any inconvenience this may cause.
In the mean time I politely ask that you spend a bit of time with my work.
All of rryrry’s music is available from my Bandcamp and you can get it all for a super sweet deal at the mo by clicking here.
If you’re of a classical bent you can purchase a fair whack of my notated works by clicking here.
If you want to commission some bespoke music or arrangements, please do so through MusicForMy by clicking here.
Most importantly, please like my Facebook page, it’s the best way of keeping abreast of what I am up to at the mo.
Who knows, maybe come the new year I’ll live a sustainable life with which I can devote time to writing without fear, but until then.